Ben’s public dating profile

Update, October 2022: I’m happily seeing someone :)

Hi! I’m Ben, and I’m looking for a partner to build a life and family with :) Is that you, or someone you know?

Traits I think are sexy and inspiring:

• You care a lot about being a good person, both to people around you and to the world at large, and have the courage to do that when it’s not the path of least resistance. This is my most important value personally, and if it describes you too, then I know we’re on the same team.

• You’re emotionally warm and articulate: my most joyful moments with both friends and partners have been where one of us understood the other well enough to help them understand themselves. Being great at sharing what’s in your head and heart is the best way to build that kind of deep connection.

• You engage with the world thoughtfully and with curiosity. It’s fun to try to understand how bits of the world work. It’s even more fun to do it together with someone else! I want a partner I’m excited to learn from, and with :)

What I’m like

The highest-bandwidth way to get a sense of what I’m like might be to poke around this site, or for a more (semi-)conversational experience, listen to this podcast episode I did (source; most interesting parts are 9:48 and after):

If we got to know each other better, here are some things you’d probably notice about me:

[This is the part where I say a bunch of good things about myself. It’s easy to say this kind of stuff without meaning it, or while having a radically different standard for what “good” is than the reader. So I’ve tried to include concrete examples where I can; that way you can judge for yourself!]

Intellectually:

• I try really hard to improve the world. One of my major life goals is to do as much of this as possible. It’s why I chose my current work, which helps a lot of people get less poor, and why I care so much about it.

• I have interesting conversations: see the blog / podcast links above. Most of my best ideas for posts have crystallized during conversations with friends! An example one that resonated a lot with people is You don’t need to work on hard problems.

• I’m competent and ambitious: both at work and personally, I try hard to get good at what I do. Some essays like In defense of blub studies and My weekly review habit try to explain parts of how I do things.

Interpersonally:

• I’m a good listener: reviews from friends include “you ask really good questions!”, “you’re the person I know who’s most consistently helpful to talk through decisions with.” To listen well, get curious articulates one way I got better at this.

• I handle conflict and hard conversations well: I’ve had a lot of practice processing stress, receiving feedback gladly, and giving it kindly, which I’ve found to be really useful in relationships.

• I will invest in improving our relationship: the best way I’ve found to do this is to carve out a recurring time (e.g. a weekly date night) to talk about how things are going.

• I am pretty goofy:

• In a relationship, I really like being affectionate, especially with physical touch and words of affirmation. I’d like a partner who will reciprocate that :)

Day to day:

• When deciding how to spend my time, I orient more towards meaning than towards fun: I’m usually more excited to have a long conversation with a friend, or write a blog post I’m proud of, than have a night out or eat a nice meal. (I do the latter sometimes; I just don’t optimize for them.)

• At work, I’m the CTO of Wave. It means a lot to me because it has a big impact on our users’ lives (and our team!). But I still work normal hours most of the time, and take plenty of time off.

• Outside work, right now I’m spending the biggest chunk of my time on quality time with friends. If I’m on top of my scheduling game, I’ll host people 2-3x a week and have 3-4 other calls or meetups.

• My default hobbies/fun activities are singing, playing piano, climbing, hiking, and contra dancing, though I like a bunch of others as well!

Next steps

If you’ve read this far, it’s probably worth chatting! Just email or DM me to set something up!

You do not need to write as much as I’ve written here, or even close!! Anything longer than “hi :)” puts you in the ~99th percentile of initial dating messages :) If unsure what to write, maybe say which parts of this profile resonated with you? Or just link to any online presence (twitter, facebook, instagram, website…) that I could check out!

If you’re male, taken or otherwise incompatible, you could do me and one of your single friends a favor by passing this doc to them, suggesting to me to reach out to them, or just introducing us yourself!